This Woman Loves Her Family So Much, But She Can’t Stand Visiting Their Family Home
Louise Peralta
A typical mom would always keep the house clean. My mom, for example, cleans the house whenever she gets bored. She said it’s therapeutic, in a way.
As I grow older, I’m slowly getting her thought process – or lack thereof - whenever I start cleaning.
But not everyone can afford to tidy up regularly or maybe like their organized chaos. There will always be a part of the house that’s messy if you have children or if you have pets. If that’s their spot, there will always be something on the ground.
Now this Redditor’s problem isn’t because of her own house; it’s her family's home that she’s got a problem with.
She said she’s so tired of visiting her family home because it’s so dirty.
To the point where she’s tired? How dirty can this house be?
In her family home live OP’s mom and siblings, both still young (16 and 11).
She wrote that her sister’s room is an absolute mess, complete with trash and rotten food everywhere. OP’s brother doesn’t seem as messy, but he doesn’t clean either. And then there’s OP’s mom, who, apart from cooking and working, also doesn’t clean.
Apparently, OP isn’t just figuratively tired of going home. She’s literally tired of having to clean the house by herself whenever she comes to visit.
“Actually, the whole house is so messy that it’s just disgusting to shower or prep a meal,” she wrote.
Cleaning up is pointless though, as OP said that everything goes back to its messy state every time, sometimes even before the day ends.
OP talked to her mom about this issue but gets shouted at instead of reasoned with. The same thing happens when OP tries to talk to her brother in the hopes that he will lessen his screen time and maybe talk to a therapist. At least OP’s sister cleans up a bit when asked.
“I asked him if he doesn’t feel that it is his duty to help clean the house where he lives and also makes messes - he said angrily that he doesn’t feel that way at all and that he doesn’t owe it to anyone,” OP wrote.
Now OP asks Reddit what she can do to help her family.
“I hate the constant screaming and feeling awful because it is so messy that living there is hard. I love all of them, and I like spending time with them, but sometimes I am so flooded by anger that I just want to do my own stuff in my room,” OP added.
It seems like everybody here needs to consult a therapist. It may only be because OP’s brother and sister are still young, so they don’t really have that much sense of duty toward both family and themselves, but living with a constant mess can mess up your brain.
As for the mother, not much context was provided, but it’s possible that she’s dealing with her own issues, that she’s overwhelmed and unable to take care of the house. I mean, she still cooks and works, so she’s still taking care of her children in a way.
A Redditor suggested that OP should stop cleaning when she visits her family home. They said that OP needs to break the cycle because her family doesn’t do anything. After all, they know that OP is there to do the cleaning.
OP, the dutiful daughter that she is, agreed that she should stop cleaning but also replied that she has to visit her family because she knows that they won’t visit her. “I know it’s not [a] healthy situation, but I care about them and want to visit sometimes,” she added.
She is such a sweet child who suffers from her love. OP acknowledges that her family might not be as close as she wants, but she wants to do her best to help them despite their lack of interest in her.
One thing that OP considers a great option is for her to lessen the frequency of her visits and not stay overnight. She knows her family’s situation, but they’re not reciprocating OP’s efforts. It’s a two-way street – you can’t help someone who is not ready to accept the help.
Hopefully, OP and her family will get the help that they need.
If you think you have any other suggestions for OP, check out the original post below.
I (F, 22) am so tired of visiting family home, because it’s so dirty
by u/Powder_River_00 in relationships
